Our mother died yesterday. This is all new to me in the sense that the death of your mother occurs only once in your lifetime. How do you act? My mother expressed the same dismay. This was really a new experience for her and her children. Tommie Jean recognized this with clarity. She received the dismal health news about three weeks ago,arranged for the screen porch to be repaired and upgraded and had the front brick steps repointed with mortar and then summoned the daughters,Nancy,Lib,and Claudia far flunge in Australia,Florida,and California.
The first few days for me were intense but relaxed yet Tommie Jean,our mother, showed peace and high spirits. She looked forward to the return of her daughters as they trickled in over a three day period. Before the daughters arrived we had a chance to reflect. I asked her if there was anything she wanted to do or could do for her. She reponded with a negative,yet a strong desire to stay at home and enjoy the moments.
Yes, she had some regrets but recognized that the failures and victories we have in life put us where are now. Our mother was at peace and happy and loved life.
We really have two choices;lots of tears or lots of laughter and celebration. We choose the later and did most of our crying alone. Claudia's husband,Herald was ,also, there,RV in the driveway and promised us that we would never run out of fine wine during this time. He held his promise and we drank down the fine vintage wines. Unfinished Chateau Lafite languished on the kitchen counter before it was polished off my anyone with the urge. Our mother celebrated with us as much as she physically could.
The first week was a glorious period, my mother was strong enough to paricipate,took walks with Nancy and friends. My mother would smile and remark that this period was like attending her own wake. She was delighted it seemed. The irony of knowing your time is near may seem dreadful. I suppose most of us would rather pass on without much prior knowledge but my mother was fearless. She actually expressed wonder and dismay that she wasn't more fearful. She had prepared her spirit well;she was a rock.
Alas, the pain was relentless but was quickly managed with medication. Our mother's slide into her bed the last week to never rise again was gradual everyday as her robustness drained away. We read stories and poems to her and shared scripture when she could no longer speak but could clearly understand our speech. Our mother was a devout Methodist and active church member. She loved Jesus.
My sisters were saints of mercy. Claudia manged the paperwork and phone. Nancy,with her RN,and Lib attended Tommie Jean 24/7. Our mother passed away peacfully in her own bed,in her own home, cirrounded by her daugters and cats, and everything that she loved----God bless my mother,God bless all mothers. Let the tears flow,let it be a river--we will have time to celebrate later.
Written by her loving son,Andy
November 22,2005
It was a glorious fine sunny Sat. In attendance were 89 year old sister Nancy Ganier and her sons Rodger and Jimmy and wives Gail and Nellie. Our mother's daughter Claudia and son Andy attended. Valerie "Twink" Thompson,our mother's neice,Jody Jean Strong,cousin of Tommie Jean and cousin to Jean and nephew of Lillian, Dr. Jim Ed Strong.
Jody Jean Strong is the daughter of Jathon "Ras" Strong who was the son of Nathan Strong.
Dr.Jim Ed Strong,retired Dentist, told us how our grandmother got her nickname "Bene." Bene was apparently an avid marble player in her youth and called her shooter marble and favorite marble BENE,hence the name got stuck to her.
The service was brief but immensely accurate and comforting. We all retired to the local Sizzler for steaks and lunch courtesy Nancy Ganier and returned to the graveyard to place flowers on the grave.
Dear Andy,
I just got around to reading your mom's bio and your reflections. Very articulate and deeply touching. I am really sorry I missed you deliver it during the memorial.
Several times a day, there will be something that reminds me of Jean. Two come to mind. The first is a combination of wisdom and humor.
Your mom would often visit us during at the end of summer or during our winter break. She'd often be up before any of us, reading the paper and sipping her tea. I'd grab my breakfast, sit down and we'd have a chat.
I start up the morning by heating up my milk in the microwave for oatmeal. I'd notice that Jean would leave time on the microwave timer. One day I asked her about this. She responded, "I'm just trying to save time."
I laughed and we bantered back and forth a bit, "How much time do you think you're saving?... A few button presses?" Her response was quick, "A little at a time, here and there... You're just wasting time if you clear it." I don't remember how the conversation continued, but somehow she made it more clear to me.
She wasn't saving time, she was saving up time. What a twist. Quite a concept in a quirky way. Now, I have lost the habit of clearing the time when I stop the microwave before it's done. Later, I come up to the oven and there will be time left over, I smile.
One more... Jean was visiting during her 80Th birthday (9/11/01). After dinner, Lib and I lit 80 candles, turned out the lights, and sang Happy Birthday. You can imagine, it's was a bonfire.
It was a true pleasure spending time with your family during the last few weeks.
With Peace and Love,
It has been two years since our mother departed this planet. I still sense my mother's presense. Usually early in the morning just before I wake,I know she is there. It is not an image or conversation just her proximity. Yet before I wake,the realization hits again with a crashing thud. I have to wake and continue without her phone calls,her visits,her smile. It is like she is in another room we cannot enter. Remember her everyday. Her strength flows through me and life rolls on.
George